Monday, February 9, 2009

Guys Who Pee Fast

Going to the men’s room in a public place can sometimes be an interesting experience. I usually don’t do it until I really have to go, which means that I am in there for a reasonable period of time emptying my bladder. But I have noticed that other men will come in after I have started going, and get done well before I am finished. Sometimes they will use the commode while I am at the urinal and I can here the stream coming out of them as it hits the water, which sounds like a river compared to my creek. Is there something wrong with me, something wrong with them, or a little of both?

It’s not like I am timid in there. When I go to the men’s room in a public place it’s a safe bet there are at least a couple of beers in me and I am therefore both relaxed and motivated by a sense of urgency. And it feels like I am unloading at a pretty good rate. But then somebody comes in and just unleashes it all at once as though they didn’t have to funnel it through a small tube or something. I really don’t get that.

Oh, by the way my name is Papa Riah and I see social issues clearly. At least most of the time. This one, however, has left me somewhat baffled. You can read about all the issues which I am not baffled about at my blog, which is located at

It has crossed my mind that I am the victim of a giant conspiracy. Sort of like The Truman Show or something, and these guys who come in and pee super fast are all part of some gag to see if I notice. I pretend that I don’t of course, as men just don’t talk to one another about these kinds of things. But I don’t see how what I am hearing is possible without some kind of surgery.

Maybe it’s me. I know that prostrate problems cause men to pee slowly. I am in my early forties and something like this is possible. But I really don’t feel like am peeing slowly. I feel like I do when I am doing 80 on the freeway and somebody just blows by me like I am standing still. Plus, I am peeing at the same rate I always have my whole life. If this is due to prostrate problems then I must have always had them.

Not to mention the fact that it isn’t every single guy who does this. In fact it’s a minority of them that I notice who do the speed-peeing. Maybe they have weak bladders and go pee when they are only slightly full. Maybe it’s them that have some kind of problem, like a weak bladder muscle. Yeah. That’s probably it. I feel better now.

Then there are the guys who flush the urinal just as they start to pee. These are a sub-category of the speed pee-ers. I guess the flushing sound of the water helps them go or something. Hey, truth be known it probably helps me along too when one of them is next to me. But I could never adopt this practice. It’s just too dorky. Plus I would have to do it two or three times before being finished.

See you at the urinal I guess.

Papa Riah